Lost in translation

Maftoon is our logistics guy – actually he's the logistics assistant in charge of organising the drivers – there are about six of them. He's probably the tallest Afghan I know, super friendly and for some reason I always seem to interrupt him when he's eating, with my usually pathetic foreigner concerns. In the morning, as he's eating his breakfast of fried eggs (still in the frying pan), I burst into his office complaining that Fazil, my driver, approaches check points way too fast. I try to explain that we could be shot at; he sagely nods his head, smiling.

In the afternoon, just as he is about to dig into Kabuli rice, with its great big gristly bits of meat, I wave my printed schedule of pick up times at him. Fazil routinely comes to pick me up at 8:30 on a Saturday, despite not started work at 10:30 for the past three months. Hopefully, I say, this will make sense. Maftoon takes my sheet of paper and stares at it for a while. Then invites me to eat some rice with him.

I call him in the mornings, before he's even at work, to make sure the reliably unreliable Fazil will be picking me up (thus the printed list of pick up times); in the evening, after he's gone home, to find out where the hell Fazil is.  Fazil, although sweet, speaks no English, although yesterday I did find out that he knows the word "Finest", the western supermarket near my home.

Each time I call, or burst into his office, Maftoon stands, smiles, extends his hand and before we even address my issues, go through the several greetings that are part of Afghan culture.

"Hello Cassie, how are you?" (Stands up, extends hand, shakes hand several times.)

"I'm fine Maftoon, thank you, how are you?" (hands still pumping away)

"I am fine, Cassie, Thank you .. are you well?"

"Yes, Maftoon very well, about Fazil ..." (detaching hand from his to indicate serious business now) 

"Oh yes, I will help you .., how is your family Cassie? How was your evening, did you rest? Please join me for some breakfast."

Argh!!!!

Maftoon's English is also not so good. The other day when I arrived back from the UAE, I called him while standing in the immigration queue to make sure that there was a pick up for me.

"Hello Cassie, how are you?"

"Hi Maftoon, I'm fine thank you, how are you?"

"Thank you Cassie, yes, I am well. Are you ok?"

"Maftoon, I am at the airport, is there someone to pick me up?"

"Did you have a good trip Cassie?"

"Yes, it was a good trip, thank you."

"Oh good, good. Are you at the office now?"

 "No, Maftoon, I have just arrived. I am at Kabul international airport. Is there a driver?"

"Cassie, I am in Jalalabad, (a town in the east). But I will call the driver to see if he is there."

Thank you/ You're welcome/bye/bye.

Two minutes later, Maftoon calls.

"Cassie, Fazil is waiting for you."

"He is at the airport?"

"Yes, yes, I am in Jalalabad. How was your trip?"

"Maftoon, is Fazil at the airport?"

"Yes, he is there, he has been waiting for you."

"Great, thank you. How is Jalalabad?"

"No Cassie, Fazil is waiting for you at carpark B."